this is not, in the usual sense, a convention report.

it's best described as a somewhat edited stream-of-consciousness thing. this is what all of the stuff we write starts out as.

we started this day with no press passes, and no idea how to get them. most depressing.

nonetheless, this didn't stop us from acting like pigs in slop. it's a natural talent. can't be taught; you either have it or you don't.

and, trust us, there was plenty of slop to wallow in.

got there at 9:30. looked for my fellow gaming people, but they'd gotten distracted by all the pretty blinking lights and smoke. . .

pretty lights and colors. . . little flashy things. . . where was i? where are you? oh, coffee. thanks.

went in, and. . .

Oh my god the Romans are invading!!

oh, wait. they're just promoting a new video game by someone named Catachumen or somesuch.

no idea what it's about.

wait they're opening let's go go go!! aww damn they're still media only so kick the suckers out and let us in it's ten already!

We're in!

still no press passes. incredibly, horribly depressing, plus i want to kill the admin staff.

(ed. note: oops. sorry.)

hey turok 3
not bad
could use a little lightening
game play is easy enough
five seconds to figure out what button does what
allright let me at those enemies
fire fire fire!!!
die die die!!!!

( ed. staff finds a deeper hole to hide in. . . )

all right. first thing's first.

let's see, start from the corner and work our way across this war zone. . . wait, we have an MIA! ah well, we'll find him when the time is right.

hmm... oh yeah!

squaresoft!!

bouncer looks good.

chrono cross! yes. finally. playable? I'm there.

a lot. nothing more need be said about that. . . well, one more thing.

i must have this game.

chrono cross. say it in a very deep voice, gravelly, with heavy breathing before and after to get the full effect. sort of like 'whazzup. . .'

eidos let's see hmm lovely models. . . lovely models.

focus people, focus.

( while our brave correspondent pauses to drool. . .)

back to why i'm here. . . vampire hunter D. concentrate. look for jaleco, jaleco. . . all right.

kentia hall.

go there and jaleco has nothing at all. ask about the game and they say it's across the street. go across the street and it's for people 21 and over only.

( our brave correspondent is, in actuality, only 19 years old.)

curse those evil octopi!!!!!!

ddr break!

pioneer. . . where are you pioneer. . .

What!?!? NOTHING ABOUT GAMES? i wanted to know about the lain video game at least!

die! die! die!

( ed. staff sympathizes. lain deserves more exposure, both in game and anime. )

defeated I return accross the street

climb a rock, win a free backpack.

my life, no problem

time to act like a reviewer again. . .

impressive, the sony PS2.

great looking console,
nice dvd playback,
games limited as of yet.
ah well,
can't complain,
they're barely starting on it.
they're still really loyal to the gamers who bought the original PSX. . . good idea.
now when's the mod chip for this thing coming out?

( the editorial staff hastens to note that we did not intend him to be a reviewer. )

oh no another vile pokemon product?

will the carnage never end?!
now you can actually talk to the cursed animal
ah, can't figure it out,
don't want to waste brain cells trying.
I'll just kill the braincells the tried and true way, with booze.

and it's almost the end of the day already. . .

back to konami. . . play some guitar. . . i want this game, too.